Why when your parents are asleep you do James Bond shit to not wake them up but when you’re asleep they vacuum and talk extra loud and sing fucking spirituals and shit.
because you got to bed at 4 am & wake up at 3 in the afternoon
does getting a septum piercing hurt?
it hurts the people that care about you
imagine someone offering to make a romantic dinner for you and when you get to their place it’s immaculately clean and there are candles and flowers on the table and everything is beautifully ambient
and then they emerge from the kitchen holding two lunchables
you know you’ve been on tumblr too long when you thought this would end in a satanic ritual or cannibalism
today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”
to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older
they were going to get fakes to buy fish
*does 2 math problems* time for a well deserved 3 hour nap